Disposable parts

How many body parts are disposable? It seems my body is determined to have every 'disposable' part removed. First it was a vertebrae, then a uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes, now it is a gall bladder. In ten days I will be having another part removed. Three years, three surgeries. Each one shorter and easier than the one before, but it is getting old. Seriously, getting old. Hopefully once this is done I will feel like a human again and not have any other parts go all wonky on me. yesh.

One night, two posts

Starting October 27, 2010 I will attempt a 365 photo blog. It's true. I am caving in and will be sharing something interesting from every day of my life for one full year. I have not decided where to post this yet. Details will follow...

I can't say that out loud

yes, another list..

I love you

Sometimes I wish I had a child

I really like to be alone

Telling me I am beautiful everyday makes me think you are lying

I want to be in North Carolina (no big secret)

Road trips with my friends keep me sane

I hate you

My job bores me to death, I only stay to support my family

I have some regrets

I have more dirty little secrets than you will ever know

I don't blog...I make lists

Summertime 2010 list....

Warrior Dash...late night chats...Durham...hiking...running...guerilla photography...El Taco Azteca...Sailor Jerry...Grad students...Austin...Ann Gonzalez...hospitals...starbucks Wednesdays...MacCracken's Fridays...standing in the middle of the road crazy...6th street...goodbye Fritz...Big Daddy's...Kieran...Dan...Jimmy...The Dungeon...New Orleans...Pigs and Peaches...Aquabats...Lords of Acid...Thrill Kill Kult...drunken swing dancing..."this means all tangled up"...FEoI...Dains Place...The Whiskey...Hooper Plantation...sweaty balls...drama...giving up on the Atl...more Durham...road tripping with my Eric..."I did not want your nuts, but would have taken them"...Gooden/Parker wedding..."of course I smoked before you picked me up"...joining the circus...zombies...Toadies...Lenny's...Pine Hill Haints...Star Bar...damn you B...Jim Bianco...tequila...plotting my escape...shared secrets...lake adventures...Madison and Willow visits..no skin cancer...love my job, hate my job..HR violations...most of all, love from some the best friends I could ever hope to have

in the near future...

Lists are what I do best so here is another one. This time it is things I am looking forward too in the last half of 2010.

New Orleans. I have driven around New Orleans at least 7 times, this time I am stopping there and staying at the Ritz Carlton. The best part is that it is FREE.

Lords of Acid and Thrill Kill Kult, together, at the Masquerade. That is sure to take me back to dancing on Wednesdays from '93-'99.

Pietasters, Social Distortion, Jim Bianco, and I don't even remember the others but there are lots.

The Herrin clan coming for a visit! I am so glad Denise married such an awesome man and made such perfect girls.

Brandy being so close to me for the next year! I am hoping to spend many days/evenings at Swift Cantrell with her and the kids.

Training for 2011 Warrior Dash. I have a goal. I will beat you and thank you for the motivation.

Carnivale in Durham. Nothing else needs to be said about that.

Finding a new job. It is time to move on. Hopefully to North Carolina, but I am open to Kentucky, Tennessee, and South Carolina as well.

Turning 36! I will be closer to 40 than 30 and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life.

Holidays with my family, with a new sister (in-law), a brother I have missed for 20 years, and of course the Rodriguez clan. If not for mom and Chief I might not be here right now, so if you like me, thank them for saving me!

love you all, let's make the last half of the year as good as the first!

Warrior Dash 2010, still living this day like tomorrow will never come

Ran the Warrior Dash and damn it feels good. If you know anything about my past, then you know my on going battle with doctors telling me "No, you can't do that" and how much it pissed me off. For so many years I had been held back and kept from the things I love. Running stopped when I was 12, skateboarding stopped when I was 16, paintball stopped when I was 24, rock climbing stopped when I was 25, piece by piece my life was stripped away from me. Each thing that was taken from me made me more pissed and more determined to be 'normal' (yes, I use that term loosely). After finally caving in and having a surgery that almost killed me, this weekend was my proof that I am back. One short run was all I needed to finally feel like I was where I should be. I do not take for granted that most people do not have the same outcome, and they suffer constant pain from the instruments used to fuse their spines. Thank you to everybody who encouraged me and made me want it that much more. Now I just need that zipper pull tattooed on my scar and I am set!

Things you hear while having coffee and general weirdness

Census workers discussing tactics for getting information. Uber creepy methods for finding out who you are and how you live. These people have a list of homes they are to visit, if you are on the list and not at home, they will talk to your neighbors to get phone numbers and any other information they deem necessary. If you just won't talk to them, they can call the police to ensure they are able to complete their job. While I am all for getting an accurate count of the people living in my community I do not like my privacy being invaded by the government. I can only hope they come to my house. Seriously, ask me what my race is and the answer is Belmont Stakes or Preakness. Of course I am sure they would mark me as white without even asking. While I am very white, I am also native American from both a materal and paternal great grandmother. Take that census workers! Don't even get me started on sex. The answer should only be 'yes' :)

The other interesting thing overheard at starbucks invloved two college age guys talking about 30 for 4 or 5 bars. All I could think was that is really cheap for xanax and these kids are sloppy. The conversation was going on less than 4 feet away from me. Stupid kids. Chances are they will be arrested before they reach 25.

Today's starbucks adventure involved a 25 year old getting his little mind twisted by an older and wiser Flea. Use a cheesy pick up line on me once and I will laugh it off, try a second one and I am going to scar your brain. Sorry little boys, I don't have time for it. Although it is good to know I still do not look 35 yet.

General weirdness, babies at the masquerade. It's true. People brought thier babies and children to see the Aqubats. Very odd to see kids at a place that holds some very naughty memories for me.
In non-weird news, still getting ready for the Warrior Dash and I had the worst root canal ever. That is all.

Quit yer bitchin'

As Spring tries to overtake Winter for good I am finally noticing things that make me happy. Every weekend brings a new adventure and I look forward to them all like a kid waiting for Christmas. From Friday nights at MacCracken's to birthday parties, bachelor parties (urgh), and lots of shows there is much to be happy about. So, here is another list. Things that make me happy:
Baby leaf green. Especially after a rain and the sun is just barely peeking out. reminds me so much of spring nights as a teenager. Hanging out with Sterling and all the crazy things I did when I was young.

Freckles, I has them. Lots of them

My friends, all of them, from the PhDs to the high school drop outs, the young to the old. I love them each for everything they teach me. To quote Tria "I live for the times I may never remember with friends I will never forget"

Modeling. It makes me feel pretty and gives me a chance to be whatever I want.

My MINI Cooper and Honda Prelude. Still a lot of work left to get the Prelude back to it's former glory, but I see myself with a speeding ticket in it before the summer is over.

Long hikes and *gasp* running. The morphine withdrawals were worth it.

Touching my toes again. Years of PT has trained me well and is paying off by getting me back to normal.

Road trips. Going to Austin finally! Might go to New Orleans, definitely going to North Carolina a few times.

Furry little bastards. I love my animals even when they annoy me.

Wednesdays. I really like having a day off in the middle of the week.

Having ME time without guilt.

Reading books I haven't read in years. Funny how my perspective has changed and stayed the same after all these years.

Taking pictures, an insane number of pictures. It was time for me to give in and get a digital SLR.

Wasting days or nights at starbucks. It is such a motley crew there, but it works.

Dirty little secrets. They are mine, only mine.

There are many other things making me happy, old memories and the everyday things that make me smile to myself. My life is a good life.

So much to say...

I have lost another friend from the American Legion. Rum and moonshine landed me in the doghouse. I am missing KPC days. My friends are amazing and I love them. Work makes me a little more insane. Everyday I have new inside jokes with myself. It's almost time again for the scanner of doom. Quotes of the month "Quit being nice, it doesn't suit you", "nature is stupid", "the city was intentionally built out of focus" Here is this blog in picture form.

wow, just wow

Went to Durham to visit with Betsy and it was wonderful, at least I think it was. Meet some great people and enjoyed perfect weather. Took lots of pictures, some of which may never see the light of day. Add Durham to the list of places I can easily live. Let's see if Austin is as much fun.

I keep living this day like the next will never come

Such a beautiful weekend after so many weeks of cold, snow, rain, and general nasty weather. The only thing more dangerous than nightime is the arrival of spring.
Trish had a customer appreciation day at Johnnie MacCracken's and I must say it is odd seeing the regulars in the daylight. It was very nice to get to spend some time with good people on such a wonderful day. Rozi and I did some lurking. Jenny and I fell down (thanks to whoever got pics of that insanity). Nothing like free beer and food.

On the job front, I am losing my mind but did get confirmation I no longer have to train new hires. From here on out I will only have to train on new products, and techs who are being promoted. Even better news is that I have some wonderful people sending me information on jobs in North Carolina. Torn between North Carolina and Texas, and my friends here are completely opposed to either one. Yesh.

Friends, love, lust, and sunshine

There aren't words to properly describe the happiness of the last few days. From the sudden and unexpected visit from Betsy to spending a Sunday with Chris as he prepares to welcome his son into the world. It has been a great weekend, full of friends and love and lust and sunshine.

Friday I discovered that Betsy had made her way to Conyers to help clean out her dads house. My heart jumped at the thought of getting to see Betsy after two years away from her. There are just some friends that will always make my heart happy and Betsy is one of them. I knew if I could make it through a Saturday of shopping of bridesmaid dresses with Jessica I would be on my way to Conyers to see Betsy and all would be right with the world.

The dress shopping of course took much longer than expected and I missed getting my new camera on Saturday. The bright spot was a message from Betsy saying she had decided to go to MacCrackens. I got back to my Starbucks, got my MINI, canceled my camera purchase, and got my ass to MacCrackens to see Betsy as fast as possible. The joy of getting to see Betsy, hug her, and just have somebody close who understands where I am was so comforting. We had a great night of discussions on physics, business, boys, and general Brenda and Betsy-isms. Kristen and Jeff came to visit and that was good. Eric came to visit and that was just perfect :) The night ended with Krystals and waking up on the sofa at 5 Am.

Then came Sunday. Got up and went to Jasper to meet Reagan and Damien and buy a camera. It was such a beautiful morning for a drive and I was more than excited to get a new camera. I got to meet Reagan's furkids, they are super cute and Yoshi in typical shar pei fashion did not like me. After a short visit with I was off with my new camera. With a quick stop by target for a gift I was off to a baby shower for Chris and Carrie. Spending time with the Eaton family is always a treat. They have accepted me as one of thier own, and I am excited to have a god-son to go along with the best god-daughter in the world.

My final adventure was a trip to starbucks with Nuno. So weird because he never goes to starbucks with me. He even bought me coffee. :)

It was a great weekend and I am glad to have had it. I hope to have many more like it.

Brenda and Betsy



Brenda, Betsy, and Kristen




Brenda, Betsy, and Eric ;)



Michelle and Mark Eaton



Chris and Carrie Eaton



Nuno and Chris

Old thoughts and a random dream

The following was recently located and was dated Oct. 2000. My memory of that time is a little fuzzy but I remember some of it.


Old thoughts

The world hurries by as another day comes to a close the door and lock yourself away from everything outside in the moonlit garden of roses and ivy climbing the walls of a mind trapped by insanity that never seems to end each day with wandering words across a blank page waiting for thoughts to fill the glass with sweet wine from far away lands that never end but instead go on forever like the infinite space above the earth stained pants of a man as he sits and watches the world hurry past.



and a random dream

Opening scene is an old factory on a hill over looking the ocean. As I wander around I realize that it looks like a movie, very Dark City I think to myself. I watch the cogs turn and men in grey work suits pulling levers. One of the men walks over to me and takes my hand. He tells me "It's your turn now" The look on his face is blank and sinister at the same time. I glance around trying to make sense of what is happening. In that moment he pushes me down a chute that seems to have no end. I slide down, screaming and terrified. The workmen are throwing huge bolts and screws at me as I descend. I eventually black out and wake up on a grassy hill. As I look around I notice a sparkle in the air around me. I stand up and walk over to a lady and ask where I am. She doesn't answer. She doesn't even look at me. Just then another person comes over and tells me I am dead and that it is useless to try and speak to the living. Explaining to me that the living forget the dead as soon as they are gone.
I see a playground and I walk down a hill to sit on the empty swings. Soon a group of people come up and start swinging. They are talking and laughing with each other, the sun shining brightly on their beautiful day. I begin to sing and dance around them, none of them ever notice me. I touch a blonde woman's face and she doesn't feel my hand on her cheek at all.
Farther down the hill I see a pond where two men about my age in suits are sitting in a boat talking to each other. Both smiling and obviously enjoying the sunny day. I go down almost to the edge of the water. I don't know why but I scream out to them. One of the men looks at me, or towards me. I walk out into the water to the little boat they are in. I lean over and whisper in the mans ear "I love you" he starts to cry and so do I.